my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
