pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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