He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize