if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
