Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
