Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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