I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
