I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
