Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize