i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
