My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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