There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
