i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
