i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
