Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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