Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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