Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
