I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This baby is an asshole
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
