Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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