i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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