So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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