Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
