I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
