I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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