I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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