she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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