This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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