can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
