Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
