I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
