im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
