I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Little spoons don't ask big questions
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
