please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
