I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize