did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
