I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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