ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
