remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its not stalking. its research.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
