I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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