his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's get the cat blown out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
