Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
