Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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