i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
