cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
