i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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