So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize