He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
