I feel like I'm in dance class right now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
