Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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