Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
