Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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