Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
