if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
