She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
