I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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