Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
