i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
