My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
