I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
