Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
