evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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