i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
