I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
