I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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