just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
