i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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