Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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