and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Come share oat with me in your robe
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
