I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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