Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize