can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
