So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize