Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
