you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
