as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
