we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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