spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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