I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
