I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
