Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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