i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
