you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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