I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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