meet me or not, i'm out of control
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
