I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
