Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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