Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
