I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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