Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
