i don't like sucking hair
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
