So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
