she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
