I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
