"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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