You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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