He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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