what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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