Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
