at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
